The FIRST and the LAST (A story of a game and how it changed my life)

This game was not the first game that I have played. The first MMO that I started playing was Gunbound. Gunbound was great because it really opened me up to the online world. Having no unlimited internet at that time, there was only dial up and it was fcking slow as hell! (As I finished typing that paragraph, my OCD kicked in and I had to JUSTIFY the whole paragraph heh)

The second MAJOR MMO I played was an RPG type game. I was introduced to the game by an online gaming community, GameSync- forums. The ride was great, it actually taught me about how the world was and how I should make my own decisions, trust only when I only it is really safe - yeah, this is caused by scammers and other gamers with horrible attitudes ingame. This game was Maplestory, and I am proud to say that I am an old timer because I have played this game since before all those major buffs happened - only when the four classes were available, and sticked with the game during the expansion to Aqualand and Ludibrium. I quit somewhere there though, but came back many times after major patches to play with my friends. 

The third MAJOR MMO I played as in a private server, but it wa with close friends. Ragnarok Online! The game was so much fun I physically dedicated myself to it. I can go on for long bouts of time without eating OR sleeping just to play the game, and because I dedicated my other time to studying for academic results, I sacrificed my sleep to play - and I can still say that I have enjoyed it very very much. 

I played two main classes, a Cleric that eventually became a High Bishop and a Mage that eventually became a Warlock. I played the Cleric for a supportive role when my friends are online to play, and the Warlock for when I was alone and there was nothing to do (when my friends are offline or are unwilling to play with me). That was what I tried to tell myself, but I couldn't help noticing how I was desperately lying to myself so badly.

I played Cleric a lot. It was my favorite type of character and I enjoy supporting my friends when they are playing. I wasn't a very good gamer, so I frequently messed up and caused everyone in the team to die or lose. But it was fun. There were times that I surprisingly shone when playing the role. There were times that I felt that I was actually doing a pretty good job. I met many people that I grew to know more and more and are now some of my closest friends. They fare from may different countries, and so I get to learn more about their cultures and also their way of life.

Not everyone was around most of the time, so I  was usually only playing and supporting one person that usually used a Monk or an Asura. You know, those characters with the lethal ASURA STRIKE that deals very huge amounts of damage. They are actually very capable of supporting themselves, but extra healing and buffs seem too good to be true at that point. I was following because of the FREE EXP and MONEY. And I am not going to lie, it was also because I had nothing to do and it was fun to follow.

This continued and our bonds grew stronger. I was young and stupid, and so I fell in love. I was so drawn into the game - I began to think of the game as a reality. Real life at that point was after all - meh, not so interesting. At 16, what humans want is only a place to belong to aside from their own families, and that was probably what I longed for. I began to spend more and more time ingame, waiting to go on another adventure. Another activity for me to fill my head with all sorts of fond memories. I have tried to tell myself that I am not doing the right thing - or am not about to do the right thing, but my heart was controlling my mind. My strength of mind was feeble and frail. I was just entrapped in the web that my longing heart has spun, aimlessly. And I did it. On one of the adventures. I did it.

I can still remember the map where it happened, and how it happened and how I felt then and also how I feel many years after that, and even now. It is actually very hard for me to express this in words, but I just had to get it out of my system. Somewhere where anyone can see and where people can learn from.

We were hunting Eddga, a boss in Payon Forest. And I said something stupid. Like "I Love You" (Yes, please attribute this song to that song resung by Nicole Kidman and Robbie Williams, except that the feeling wasn't mutual). The respond to that was that I was too tired. I probably was. I was so flustered and angry with myself that I just logged off midgame. What was I saying? I should have known better - my journey with Maplestory should have instilled in me to think more about what I say and when I should say them. I did not log on for days.

When I did log on, I created the mage (became a Warlock) so I could solo the game. When I play with my friends again, I would almost reluctantly switch back to the Cleric, but most of the time I played as a Warlock. I have also respec-ed my Cleric to become a battle type cleric so that I could solo as a Cleric. The incident influenced my playing style so much that I no longer play a fully supportive character nor could I handle being given a supportive role. Months later, I would still be invited into random parties as a Cleric and being expected to support. The mental trauma made me unable to do so, I failed so badly I went Solo again most of the time. In many other games I played after, I became more of a self-support offensive style cleric of some sorts.

We acted like nothing happened, it was for the best. Even now, we still play some games together as friends, and I am very happy that we were still able to do so after something that could have caused me three lives had occured. I am very grateful that the reaction was as such, I would have done the same thing. I am glad that this was made a secret and kept between us unanimously - though we never said anything.

Emotionally, I was scarred. It made me build a cage around my heart. Everything said to me now would first go through my brain. I would be wary of people that try to become close to me. It made me afraid to tell people that I love them, because it made me fear rejection again. It made me afraid that I would lose things even though I didn't lose anything the first time. For me, I was putting one foot down on making it the last.

Six long years have passed, and I am still affected badly. Convinced that it was because of my severe imperfections, I gave up on social life and tried to excel in how I look, my academics and how I am perceived in the eyes of others. Looking back, I regret trying to be someone I didn't want to be. I lost weight and got contacts - it is now very hard for me to go out without my contacts because I wouldn't have any confidence either wise, and my fears of how my body would look like made me hydrophobic.

I would go into depression by myself - so I am very thankful to the friends that I have that are very willing to talk to me to cheer me up. Yes, I am very proud to name them as Priscilla, Neo Yen and Alfred. Thank you for cheering me up unknowingly when I was about to sit in one corner and freak out. My biggest secrets will always stay only with you three and only you three. Promise.

There was this one time I was sitting in one corner of the room, feeling depressed as fck and thinking suicide thoughts. And then a voice message came, and I forgot everything and started laughing. That was how much it actually matters.

For me - that was the first and the last time I will speak my heart without my mind processing it through.

-- Still, I am looking forward to the Tree of Saviors Online to start fresh. That game will represent my reincarnation from the world of Ragnarok Online I played and left many fond memories in. Now I am less reluctant in moving forward because I have made new friends. Maybe I will regain the ability to become a supportive character here. (But I am very interested in either the Druid, Necromancer, Sorcerer or Bokor :3 )

Monopoly (No, Not the Board Game!)

 Picture Courtesy of Pinco.co.uk

What are the characteristics of Monopoly?

No, silly. I don't mean the board game. Although I love the card version of the board game as well (Monopoly Deal *_*) - Monopoly is a situation in which a single company, organization or a group has a control or owns all or nearly all of the market; for a given product or a set service (Miniature extract from Investopedia, read 2014).

There are three main characteristics of Monopolization by a company or an organization. These are as shown below:

Golden Characteristic 1 -  There is no competition between companies

Golden Characteristic 2 -  The company reaps an enormous and abnormal sum of profit

Golden Characteristic 3 -  There are barriers to entry for other competitors

Monopolization - although an avid term to many third world countries; and is often seen in a horrible light, does have its own advantages to try own over it's disadvantages. The advantages can be seen such that because one organization owns the market, the pricing for the items or services are non-changing and not made a variable depending on what situations may bring. For example, it can be confusing and taxing to have customers needing to make millions of inquiries over the wide scope of items and services offered by different companies or organizations to find the perfect match to their desires - rather than having a universal company to deal with. 

Other than that, this also helps the government in their spending. Referring back to Golden Characteristic 2 - in which the company reaps a gargantuan amount of profit; in the case whereby the company is owned by the government (which is more likely so, and if not then taxes), then the large profit can be used for capital investment or the sorts - probably for the betterment of the country in terms of infrastructure. Remember that the term united we stand can play a huge part here, there is a higher likeliness of the business or organization can penetrate national markets given that most of the funds are concentrated on one business alone rather than being divided among several groups. Another factor that contributes to this is wholesale - which means the monopolizing company can obtain their stocks with a discounted price, and then hand it over to their customers cheaper.

Monopoly in itself is a huge word to be playing with in the solidarity of our palms. To contradict the advantages as stated, there are also firm disadvantages. The first disadvantage will be fiercely obvious to eyes of the public. Referring to Golden Characteristic 1 - and then 3; There are little to no competition between companies, meaning that the monopolizing company gets to become the ruler or king of the Market. This becomes more solidly enforced when there are barriers preventing other companies from taking part in the Market. Because of this, there is little to no pressure for the monopolizing company to do well in what they do - resulting in potential slacking of the workforce in the workplace or put generally; the company. Onto a worser note, these monopolizing companies resort to reap benefits while exploiting their customers. After all, these customers have no choice but to either accept the non-satisfactory services or leave it and live without it. Customers will often complain and rage all over the media in order to get these companies to notice their plea - but it will go unnoticed. After all, one or two missing customers will not affect its earnings.

Price wars can also occur to the benefit of the customers if monopoly does not exist. Each company eye-ing the market will provide a better and more affordable service that can capture the longing hearts of the customers in the battlefield of earnings, and the best company wins. Monopoly on its own does not allow this to occur, and many monopolizing companies actually mark up prices and practice price discrimination - in which the prices for goods and services vary on who the customers are. For example, the branch of a certain company located in a certain area might charge higher for their products compared to another location based on the earnings of the people in those locations itself. Because their goods will never fail to leave their grasp and go into choiceless consumer's hands, they can offer inferior products and services to their own chagrin.

Another disadvantage of monopoly is that black markets will tend to exist. Since there are no other competitors to offer an item or a product at a cheaper price or of a higher par or standard, agents of the black market will offer illegal schemes and methodism by exploiting various loopholes in the Market. For example, many smokers tend to buy untaxed ciggarettes by illegal means for a cheaper price rather than ciggarettes on a contrary of taxed prices resulting in around four or five times the original priced amount. 

The rich will become richer and the poor will become poorer. They will NEVER be able to break free from the chain of poverty if monopoly triumphs. Putting aside all advantages and disadvantages - monopoly will mean marked up prices. Adding salt to the wound, government taxes may occur. For example, Milkpowder for babies will cost around double or even triple it's original price - and breadmakers from lower income families will not have the incentive or funds to feed and raise their own blood and sweat, their young. They result in illegal means to raise their family in whatever ways they can; stealing, kidnapping and killing for money. Cars will be hijacked and then sold in other countries, or stolen just because the taxes imposed on them are too high to be longed for by ordinary citizens under the sun. People who are under the stress of these duple or triplefold multitudes will be under stress - and humans become desperate and impatient under pressure. Still wonder why the crime rate increases?

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All facts aside, my original plan was to complain about the inferior services by the company monopolizing the fixed-lines in my own country - having workforce far too lazy to even come and inspect the area I currently reside in, cancelling their appointment a number if times and rescheduling it, only to once again break their promise. 

However, I don't see how complaining there can let me achieve any significant benefit - so I am going to once again play with lady-luck on submitting another form to install these fixed-lines in my area for phone and unlimited internet, not only for my own benefits but for the betterment of everyone residing in my current neighbourhood.

Special Thanks:

http://knownai.hubpages.com/hub/Advantages-And-Disadvantages-Of-A-Monopoly-Market
http://www.economicshelp.org/microessays/markets/advantages-monopoly/
http://www.investopedia.com/terms/m/monopoly.asp


XOXO

KiiKiiYu

I don't usually complain about the internet speed

But when I do, the speed sucks ass. 

So I moved about one kilometre away from my old to my new house about a year ago - from the Muara Tabuan Area, Kuching to the Tabuan Tranquility P5 area IN THE SAME CITY.

Usually, fixed landlines for telephones will be set up quickly, but in the case of Kuching and up the status ladder my beloved country Malaysia, there is a system of monopolization and so all of the fixed landlines are managed by one company, Telekom Malaysia.

As a student and also an avid gamer, I am always in need of an internet (yeah, typical third world bastard) and it is amazingly irritating and boring having to live without phonelines and internet. So, my dad and I decided to send an official letter to Telekom Malaysia to "beg" them to install telephone lines in the housing area (which is less than a hundred metres away from an area with telephone lines - and the mini station). They reciprocated by answering that this so called "project" only "might" be proposed and even if the so called project is proposed, the decision will be governed mainly by the viability and the budget which is you know - very very convincing :|

So anyways, we went and got a Maxis Broadband internet plan - which looks VERY irresistable indeed. Although a quota is imposed contrary to the unlimited internet plan we had before, at least we had internet - or so we thought.

The best plan we took were for 12 GB of quota, with  36 GB quota for off peak (2:00 fucking a.m. to 8:00 a.m. - although it did make me wake up early everyday which is a good thing I guess). After the quota is used up, we are promised to be able to still surf the internet with a speed limit of 128 kbps (1.28 Mbps) instead of 21 Mbps - which is not bad to be precise...

Until we realized the horrible truth - the promised speed of up to 21 Mbps and up to 128 kbps were infact phonies. I only get to see the highest download speed of 10 Mbps instead of the promised 21 Mbps, and for the 128 kbps... well, see for yourself. (AM I USING JARING? WHY DOES THIS REMIND ME OF A DIAL UP LINE?)

We did try to contact customer service to ask for any possible solution to survive with this - and we indeed got a reply, which is applaudable - but not very helpful. (Looks like they have too much money to spend on SMS)

Trying to search for a better alternative, we tried to be directed to Maxis Fibre, instead of having a customer service representative answer the call, we were set to listen to a neverending Maxis advertisement for around fifteen minutes before we gave up and proceeded to spend the rest of our more "worthless" time using more "useful" things, like losing weight and gaining muscles.

And so, we decided to be hopeful - for the day that Telekom doesnt monopolize installs fixed lines in our area (TABUAN TRANQUILITY PH5 \o/ ) or that Maxis actually becomes more competent improves the quality of their channels for a faster speed. We customers dont want to pay for trash! want a better quality, not just quantity of broadband subscriptions with feeble speeds :3

A letter to my 16 year old (cute) self

To:  16 Year Old Self

                    Dear younger me, by the time you read this letter - you would be around my age or older. I write this letter in order to bash you for being so ignorantly naive about life and being less stupidly optimistic than your older self. I am here to tell you that your SPM or your Secondary Level Exams result does not matter. So what, if you managed to achieve grades with flying colors? When you are out there to work - no one actually wants to even know how you fare in secondary level educations or even bother to offer fucks if you brag about it.

There are many things that I do not want you to regret about when you reach my age, and I will list them down now - so make sure you take proper effort to widen your eyes and read them line-by-line, word-by-word you dipshit.

First and foremost; lose some fucking weight. No one takes you seriously until you lose those flabs and that double chin. People may tell you that it's okay to be fat since you're tall and whatnot, but I tell you - that advice is created by fat tall people, for fat tall people to feel better about themselves. It is never too early to start working out. It is never too early to eat healthy and exercise. Go, jog with your beloved pet - at which I will tell you straight out. She is going to be poisoned and put to sleep in two years time, so spend more time with her before you regret it.

Losing weight means people will finally look at you differently. You are no longer the snob that minds not what he eats, no longer the person looked down upon by others because you sweat a lot at hot places and get exhausted fairly quickly when doing a light chore. Don't be influenced by peer pressure. Live for yourself and be yourself, except thinner.

Secondly, do what you love to do - no matter what they say, no matter what critiques may throw at you. I do know that you love singing and voice acting in Japanese. I do know your mom and dad opposes this hobby, they feel that it is meaningless and stupid. In three years time, you are going to be mad addicted to KPOP, and even be in a depression because you cannot be in Korea, and you dont have the chance to become even a KPOP trainee even if you actually have talent buried inside you somewhere. It is hard for even me to tell you how not to be depressed - but depression is a painful thing. It feels like your heart is being pierced by needles, nails, glass - sharp objects, name it and it'l be there. You will not feel like doing anything else, but lie down in your bed and look sad all day. Your parents won't be very fond of this, and you will be ostracized. Fear not, this depression will only last for three to four months and you will be yourself again after you realize that you will never be able to become a KPOP trainee because you have reached the age limit for audition.

Continue singing on Youtube, you do not need to earn money and publicity. Just sing because you love to sing. Likes and comments from the public are just an added cherry on the cake you have baked. Update your videos more often, stop being a picky perfectionist that only uploads videos with perfect EVERYTHING. Look back at your old videos and realize that what is in them is not quality - but interest, happiness and ultimately uniqueness. 

Thirdly, do not be afraid of people. This does not mean that people should be afraid of you either - take initiative to know people, say hi to people. Make more friends - because ultimately your career is built on the number of friends you know. Having more friends also mean that you get to learn a lot of things from them, which is the basis of "Wisdom is Having Wise Friends".

There are many other things I want to advice and nail into you before you grow up, but I will narrow it down to three for now - not that I will send any more letters to you, because I feel that one is plenty. Things like "appreciate your unlimited internet, you will lose it in five years time" doesn't seem important enough - so I will let you learn how to handle them by yourself.

So until we meet; eat healthy, lose weight - appreciate everyone and love what you do.

Sincerest Regards,

Your 21 Year Old Self

Killing that Damn :< Bug

Killing a bug may be nothing to most people, but to me - I am killing a living thing that is capable of thinking. No thinking as all humans do, but just thinking; with due sense of having a brain. They have the ability to feel pain, like humans do. They have a need to survive, as most humans do.

So earlier today, I was helping my dad with chores outside in the garden. During one of the more menial jobs (relocating garden tiles, yes those heavy cement blocks that sit in your garden so you can use them as stepping stones), a black ant bit my dad's palm. (It should be honorable to mention that he was bitten twice by two different black ants). As he was well versed in the "arts" of being stung (he was stung by various insects before), he uttered that the bite was comparable to the sting of a honeybee. That said, he ordered me to fetch the "neccesary equipments" so that he can sentence the whole colony to death. You could imagine the look on my face. 

Courtesy of Chiirin | Anime-

www.anime-planet.com

I am that kind of person that will use the power of the kaze 風 (wind) generated from my kuchi 口(mouth) : 風口 or 吹き (blowing winds) to blow a mosquito away when she drinks her fill of my blood instead of smacking it into oblivion, the type that will say sorry to insects that he accidentally steps on - and sentencing a colony to death because of the wrong of a single (or two) worker?

Well some might argue that it is the instincts of the colony to protect the hive, because it is an order by pheromone of the queen. Isn't that more of a reason that these bugs are innocent? If these bugs appear to be humans, you dont see higher ups sentencing a whole village to death because the occupants want to protect their own territory (or maybe they do, but that's in the past).  

Anyways I was thinking that maybe there was no other methods, so I brought the killing machine (Ridsect) and my dad performed the purging of the colony. As much as I try to be a kind person that don't kill uneccesarily, I was reminded again and again by the devil sitting on my right shoulder that I would be a hypocrite, then. I am not a strict herbivore or a vegan. 

My dad reasoned that if the colony was not purged - and instead let to grow; then it would be disastrous for us when we will do even more menial jobs in the future.

Sounds pretty legit, but I couldnt help feeling that I have shed off some humanity. 

After all, there is no right or wrong answer in a universe where reasonings are undefined.